Salty Water

Pour salt into water:
rinse and spit.
Repeat.

Useful for wisdom teeth, sore gums, tooth decay and enamel rot.

Inexplicable rashes, bruises in the shape of possibly someone you know, grass stains, itchy backs and noses, broken legs (not arms); a craving for chocolate-rolled foudant, courtesy of somebody; nervous toes and hay fever are helped.

But there's more,
so I'll let you in on a little secret.

Destructive arguments, war, the missing TV remote, demonic possessions, terminal illnesses, the mid-life crisis--

death

--and a broken heart,

are all things of the past.